Ivan & Grace’s Sweet Blog

I have a pounding headache!!!

Must be due to the flu I hv been nursing since last week. My nose is fine but my head hurts…

Just back at work the third week and I m snowed under with work… And to think last week was relatively relaxed… Argh!!!

Going back to work next Monday. Time really flies. I still remember waking up 4 days ago and thinking, ‘only a week left’. Now it seems nearer than ever. It was nice to lounge at the beach yesterday, doing nothing really, with a good friend, pack of chips, lime soda (all lovingly provided by said friend (thanks!!), just dipping my feet in the sea and sand, reading a book. It was hot, i came back a different colour even though i was in the shelter, i enjoyed myself but at the same time was reminded that i will never have such chances again — a weekday afternoon enjoying peace and quiet at the beach.

Sad ….

Kind of worried about the kids and the maid. Whatever will the maid do when i m not around? Will miss having breakfast with laogong in the mornings…

Our bubbly Nadia

Little meinu

I understand how a housewife feels. When her husband leaves for work and there is only her and the baby. In my case, me, the baby and the maid.

So lost. Now that the exams are over, i am not sure what to do. Tried clearing my stuff. Woah but that takes too much effort. So now dabbling with iphone apps.

Nadia is growing well, at the 90th percentile for both weight and height. She can support her own head and can roll onto her tummy already!

Cadia is still the same old story. Everytime we say, “go to school?”, she says, “don’t want”. The maid … she still loves the maid more than me (who happens to be her REAL MUMMY). And the maid hasnt even been with us for a month yet. I will NOT be able to get over it. Its like a thorn in my heart. I have tried playing with her and i shower for her everyday. Change diapers for her from time to time. Try to put her to sleep. But alas! If the maid happens so much as pass by, she will drop everything and go “ah yi” and follow her around. What is a sad mummy to do? I just ignore her and play with Nadia. Not that it helps. Cadia will get jealous when the maid carries Nadia, but will not blink and eye when i carry Nadia. Ivan says i m silly to do this. Like that Cadia will love the maid more. Haiz … just cant swallow this bitter pill. But then… i just have to. Meanwhile … she continues to call the maid “mummy” or even “mama” sometimes … though it is less in frequency now. Must drill it into her head that she cannot anyhow call people “mummy”.

Hope hubby comes home early. My favourite person.

Maid has been here for a week. Cadia already calls her mummy and follows her around. Screams when I try to carry her.

I m not entirely happy of course. Who likes her kid to call somebody else mummy? Nobody taught her that. Unless it is the maid of course. And of cos my hubby sides with the maid. I m oversensitive he says, the kid can’t pronounce “reni” (the maid’s name) so mispronounces it as mummy. Do u buy that???

It is impossible to stop Cadia from calling her mummy. Everytime I correct her, the next time she does it again.

Call me a vinegarpot, but I m not pleased. Even if the maid does help to free up time and I dun have to wash bottles and pick up the toys… N we finally can have some couple time…

One can’t have the best of both worlds…

Haiz…. Somemore I still bathe Cadia myself and put her to sleep most times. I dun feed her myself anymore and only play with her sparingly…. Cos i need to study… Exam is next week!

It is not as if I throw her entirely in the maid’s care. Maybe it’s only my kid that is like this. It would secretly make me happy if she prefers me to the maid.

What if Nadia is the same? To put her in the maid’s care from such a young age… What if she thinks the maid is mummy as well?

Somemore if I stop breastfeeding (cos I dun think the office is condusive) little Nadia will have one less connection with me. Haiz. The men dun get it. Ivan thinks everything is going stunningly well and that we r lucky to get a good maid which our babies like. Yeah … I agree but…. it just seems that I need to compete for affection. Who says it is true that children always prefer their mothers?

He asked the maid, “you didn’t rest this afternoon? You look tired. You go to sleep earlier tonight.”

In the two years that I took care of the babies and the housework, he frequently commented that I was lazy, and that the house was always in a mess (even though most of the mess was created by him). Even when I was waking up for night feeds, pumping and washing bottles well into the night and juggling a full time job. How much appreciation did I get? A simple sentence like that said to me would make me happy.

I get less concern than someone who
is paid to do her job. I willingly took care of the babies because I m their mother. I m not looking for any recognition. But it saddens me … My husband shows more concern to a stranger who walked into our lives just three days ago than he does to me.

I even bought a necktie for him today to surprise him. He forgot all about it. Left it lying where it was.

Raised his voice at me in front of the maid on the way home. Just because I changed to second gear when I drove up the slope and caused the car to roll back.

So far all seems well. Our house is cleaner. I have an extra pair of hands to carry the babies. She seems hardworking enough (for the time being … which is a little more than 1 day). Hope everything continues. Even managed to sneak in  some time for my revision. Dearly pray that i will pass the exams.

Was clearing office email just now. All done! Still ok. Some of the files don’t seem to be moving very much. Dearly aware that I am gg to be back at the office soon. One more month to go!

Cadia is still not doing very well at childcare though. She is growing thinner … and she doesnt seem to sleep very much. Her dark eye circles can match mine liao. And it seems the maid is not very good at feeding her. Cadia has a newly acquired habit of putting her finger in her mouth and vomitting her gShe doesnt cook healthy stuff (in my opinion) for her. Though my hubby would disagree. Anyway i feel i am powerless against the evils of the modern diet. Salt, fats, sugars and preservatives. I had so much wanted to protect her as long as i could and preserve her pure and innocent palate. But alas. My hubby prefers salty food, loves processed foods (think sausages, the greatest evil of all times) and preserved foods (think salted veggies and preserved ANYTHING in those kind of little jars) and advocates adding salt to her food as the cure for her poor appetite. Feeds her chocolate for meals. Gives her sweets at will. Offers her soft drinks unthinkingly. The maid suggests cooking pasta for her … using the pre-packaged sauces. I dont think these are healthy. But everyone gives me pressure. Cadia doesnt eat. I rather she have something in her tummy than nothing at all. I cave in. My pure lil kid is now a junkie. A processed food junkie. How do i stop that? How do i get her to eat healthy foods?

Anyway i was on a binge just now myself. Having steamboat buffet with my hubby. I swear he is a bad influence on my diet. I am fast losing self control and going down his evil path of unhealthy foods. He weakens my resolve. Puts me on the losing side in the battle for healthy food for Cadia. Afterall, if I eat it myself, I am not setting an example to Cadia. And of course, these bingeing sessions do not help my post pregnancy figure. I am still FAT. FAT. FAT. I wish I had the self control and iron will to save my baobei and myself … And that said, I am going for yoga tmr. To atone for my binge. Not that it helps much … i seriously need a diet to get back into shape. Why does he tempt me????

Our maid arrived today. my parents also returned from Vietnam today. Cadia seems fine with the maid though she still wants me to put her to sleep.

Ivan is defintely happy. I hope the maid will really be a good thing for us. She seems ok, quite pleasant and her Chinese is indeed good. She took pretty long to cook though and I need some getting used to as well…

So sleepy… Acca revision still in early stages… Might not be able to finish revision cos exam is coming very soon….

Haaiz my little girl seems totally adjusted to school. She says bye bye to us with a small pout but no longer cries when we bring her over. When I pick her up she points to me excitedly and tells the teacher that I m “mama”.

But somehow she wakes easily at night and cries for no reason or comes to look for me wanting me to carry. And it is hard for her to settle back in bed. So today I m giving her a break. She went “popo’s house” this morning while I went for yoga…. Yes finally resuming after suspending my membership twice due to pregnancy.

Anyway my dear got an ipad yesterday! It’s the bigger version of the iPhone. Great for surfing !!!!! Gg to go back hm to play with it later. But pity a lot of the Singapore specific apps dun hv an ipad version just yet.

My little cadia’s new toy:

There… Doesn’t she look cool?

My dear babies…. I love them!

This pic of little Nadia taken just this afternoon after her feed. She is really quite cute when she smiles, even though she has such tiny eyes… and she has a dimple on her right cheek. Where is the other missing dimple?

She loves being talked to. And she is so engaging. I dont remember Cadia being so interactive at this age. Little Nadia really seems to understand when we talk to her and she would smile and make cute sounds!

My fave pic. Cadia is so lovely when she smiles…. but these few days she has been crying a lot. She is very afraid that we abandon her … even at my mum’s place she clings to me. And she doesnt even want my mum when i am around. And my mum took care of her for 1 plus years since she was born!  Today after i left for acca class, i was told she clung to my mum and wanted her to carry all the time, as if afraid that my mum would abandon her too. I wanted so much to send her up to her classroom but the childcare teacher grabs her from my arms every morn when i step into the centre and says that this is for the best so that she can adapt quickly. Haiz … but i cant help thinking that maybe they are wrong and that Cadia would take to the childcare centre better if i eased her in slowly, at least send her to her classroom so that i can say a proper goodbye.

Taken last weekend. Tiny Cadia running after daddy with a package (mattress cover) over her head (imitating daddy, who has a mattress over his head). Yeah, did i mention? The mattress is for the maid. Haiz… she is coming soon … worried that Cadia has to cope with too many changes. Wanted to stagger the timing…. but Ivan seems so anxious to have the maid. I dont really want Cadia to be exposed to so many changes all at once. Cant the maid wait for another month till Cadia settles down at childcare?  Such a tiny tot. How can she take it? The daddy is heartless.

Cadia has gone to school! Today is the third day. She cried again this morning. In fact she started crying b4 I reached the school gate.But seems to have slight improvement. She stopped crying very soon after the teacher carried her.

She seemed not to eat much in school. And she clings to me and starts crying when she sees me. My mum points her finger at me and says it’s because she is scared that I leave her and that it’s all because of the childcare. Haiz… I also worry for her. They don’t seem to feed her or give her nutritious stuff. My Cadia needs someone to chase after her to eat. And she is used to my mum’s cooking.

Should I give her a break and take her out tmr? But i am worried that it would undo all the progress made.